How to start a conversation with your parents about their financial plans

Preparing for the conversation

Perhaps most important, before you sit down with your parents to discuss their financial plans, is to identify your own goals. Do you need:

• To understand your parents’ arrangements for long-term care?
• To express your concerns about the details of their estate plan—specifically, how and when their wealth is scheduled to transfer?  

Beyond these two core questions, you may have other concerns:

• Will you need to address business succession plans?
• Are you worried about liquidity provisions for potential estate taxes?
• Have you discussed your concerns with your siblings—if you have any—and accounted for their points of view (and will they need to be brought into the conversation)? 

Once your goals are clear, ask your parents for some dedicated time to speak—and whatever you do, don’t surprise them with the request. They will need time to prepare, too.

As soon as you have their agreement, choose a comfortable, private setting and find a convenient time for all participants. A family gathering, financial milestone or an annual planning meeting can provide an ideal opportunity.

Conversation starters

Initiating such an important conversation can be daunting, so have a few ice breakers ready. You might want to open the meeting by saying, “I want to make sure we understand your plans for the future so that we can honor your wishes,” or “I’ve been thinking about our family’s future and want to discuss how we can ensure that everything is in place.”

Another approach is to share your own planning experience. You could say, for example, “I recently updated my own estate plan and now realize how important it is to have these conversations.”

Key topics

Before you sit down with your parents, make sure you have a working list of topics you want to address. Here are some key points to consider. 

• Long-term care plans: Such arrangements can be costly, so it’s important to ask about current plans and available resources. To help you get started, you could say, “What are your plans for long-term care?” or “When was the last time you checked to determine whether you have adequate long-term care insurance coverage?”
  
  Don’t forget to address broader support systems as well: Make sure you know whether your parents have arrangements in place with friends, neighbors, nearby doctors, emergency contacts or other caregivers.

• Authority for financial and medical decisions: It’s crucial to know who your parents have designated to make financial and medical decisions should one or both of them become incapacitated. You might want to ask, “Who have you appointed to handle financial and medical decisions on your behalf? What specific wishes would you like your appointed agents to know about?”

• Funeral service and burial plans: Services are often a contentious topic in the immediate aftermath of a death. Parents may already have burial plots (if so, their adult children should know where they are). Older generations may also have specific wishes about holding a funeral service (and its nature), and how they want their surviving family members to dispose of their remains (among other matters). Clarifying those intentions while parents are alive usually spares the family a great deal of stress later.

• Fiduciary selection: Knowing who will manage the estate is important. You may want to ask, “Who have you chosen to be your executors and trustees—and are they comfortable taking on those responsibilities?” You may also want to ask your parents what they have disclosed to their fiduciary about their balance sheet, estate plan and final wishes.

• Details of the estate plan: Avoiding a what’s-in-it-for-me tone, you can clarify the financial components of your parents’ estate plan by asking, “Does your estate plan incorporate a generation-skipping tax-exempt trust?”  If your parents are not willing to immediately share copies of their documents with you, ask where they are kept or how to obtain access to them (often their attorneys will have copies of all relevant documents) so that you can locate them when you need them.

• Familiarity with paperwork: Adult children should ask their parents if they can sit down with their parents’ financial advisors to ensure that all assets are properly titled and will pass in alignment with the estate plan they have so carefully crafted.

• Considerations for blended families: If a parent plans to remarry or has already, it’s wise to discuss how they treat marital (or community and separate) property. You could ask, “What would you think about a prenuptial agreement to protect your assets?” or “Do you have a marital property agreement in place?”

• Big picture legacy and values: It’s essential to discuss the overarching legacy and values your parents wish to bequeath. You could ask, “What do you want to be remembered for? What values about wealth and life are important for you to pass on to future generations—or to your favorite charities?”

Supporting your parents

Of course, you’ll approach these conversations with empathy and respect. Acknowledge the emotions and potential resistance that may arise. It can be helpful to use strategies for overcoming discomfort, such as active listening (providing your undivided attention), validating feelings (accurately restating what is being said) and being patient. The goal is to support your parents, not pressure them.

In practice, your support could take many forms. You could offer to help organize your parents’ documents, communicate their wishes to siblings or other family members, or find professional advisors. Encourage regular updates and reviews of the estate plan.

Most importantly, be a supportive and engaged listener, showing that you are there to help, not judge.

Further steps to ensure your parents’ estate is in order

We recommend conducting a review of your parents’ financial plan to ensure it meets your parents’ current and expected future goals.

Here are some documents to consider reviewing, and other steps you may want to take:

• Review wills, trusts and powers of attorney to make sure they are organized, current and easily accessible.
• Potentially arrange a family meeting, and help guide the discussion, addressing any questions or concerns that arise about your parents’ estate plan.
• Consider providing educational resources to help your family navigate the complexities of estate planning and financial management.
• Keep lines of communication open, so that all family members are informed and engaged in the planning process.

Conclusion: Prepare for the future

Discussing wealth and estate planning with your parents is not just about financial security—it’s also about ensuring their wishes are respected and preparing each family member for the future. Remember, these discussions can be an important first step toward honoring your parents’ legacy.

We can help

Contact your J.P. Morgan team if you would like our assistance with this important aspect of protecting your family’s legacy.